Faith i t American God edit 2.0 eileen, news, true, billy, svan, chris,milo, erthona

[billy]

i seed al the feedbck an i has t' say ol' man they's plum' wrong.
apart for the ah 's i thought it was pretty good. it was image rich told a story, used poetic devices. for me it was solid. i hope everyone forgives and i have seen their feedback but i loved it tom, that doesn't mean you should ignore anything they said. while i like the story within the piece i love the sonics of it. it's an extremely tuneful piece. thanks for the read, see my niggles for the edit. wish i could have been more of a help feedback wise.

The boys were shootin’ cans and bottles, drinkin’ hard on God’s rest-day;
while one dry mile across the prairie, Devil Dancers pranced and flew.
A red thread flickered thin and broken; king snake on a hot highway. [broke']
Haze gingered up the ripplin’ sky-line forcin’ eyes to rise to blue.

Copperin’ light brought mis-hit curses; one by one the guns went dead.
Above, like eagle wings unfoldin’, thick sepia smoke teared eyes turned wild
and fledged the sun with feathered plumin’. All about, the land turned red.
The snake came windin’ down the incline; cracklin’ demon, Satan’s child.

We peered to where the Chevy shimmered, hiss-hot in the swirlin’ ash, love hiss-hot
with crimson flames all painted on her, lookin’ like she knew her fate.
We’re runnin’, runnin’ over tinder, lungs a’cookin in the dash, [a cookin'] would suit me better.
twice ah fell and twice recovered; ah ran ‘til someone screamed “Too late!” the [ah] sounds to over the top ah say

A vengeful blast of heat roared forward, hit me like a shunt caboose.
Bein’ Sunday, my God found me; He struck me down and peeled my eyes,
seared off my scalp and left me naked. Dreadful burned, He cut me loose.
Ol’ Lucifer, you couldn’t take me, seems I beat the Prince of Lies.

Praise the Lord.

tectak
2011
A convert following a prairie fire. Youtube 2008-9