A Likely Story

[Keith]

I see your eyes dart
down,
to the left. This stanza would work better if it gave a sense of following the fly, so it needs a bit more movement like "then across to the right".

I was born
infinite yesterdays ago. not sure what this adds or means, is it needed ?

You will be able to fool me
when you can catch a fly,
with chopsticks,
on your first try. I like the Karate kid reference here

Grasshopper, grasshopper... what happened to the Ah ? and only need one Grasshopper
Your eyes are translucent.
I hardly need to sqint,
to see exactly what I'm looking for.

A bluff.

Go ahead sir.
Buy some more chips.
I'll be here all night.

I am a nocturnal shark,
and you, sir, are a sleeping tuna.

I like the film/TV references but it needs more to pull them together you say you are paying homage, I'm not sure this does that just yet. It is a great theme for a poem and one you could do a lot with. Best TOMH