The Big November

[tectak]

The Big November



When I draw my shades
the birds stop
the sky
the laughing children
the woman in the
sun dress, backlit
a walking hymn

but I can’t see her limbs
grow away
or the butterflies

fall.

Hi only,
Well, this is a bit of a poultice...it drew a lot out.There is a whole lot commendable about this and any crit seems churlish. I can only echo the others BUT a word of MY caution; that is, how I would consider this praise.
First, it is deserved.
Second...why?
Paranoia creeps in.
Frankly, it is just "good"..in all aspects.So what to crit?

For me, it would be the layout. NOT the form, NOT the structure, NOT the content.
You will OBSERVE the poem. This is not easy on a phone. I printed it off.
Is this hair splitting?..probably.
Here it comes.



Cut out the spaces.


That's all. Excellent. Envious.
tectak

---

The Big November



When I draw my shades
the birds stop
the sky
the laughing children
the woman in the
sun dress, backlit
a walking hymn

but I can’t see her limbs
grow away
or the butterflies

fall.

Hi only,
Well, this is a bit of a poultice...it drew a lot out.There is a whole lot commendable about this and any crit seems churlish. I can only echo the others BUT a word of MY caution; that is, how I would consider this praise.
First, it is deserved.
Second...why?
Paranoia creeps in.
Frankly, it is just "good"..in all aspects.So what to crit?

For me, it would be the layout. NOT the form, NOT the structure, NOT the content.
You will OBSERVE the poem. This is not easy on a phone. I printed it off.
Is this hair splitting?..probably.
Here it comes.



Cut out the spaces.


That's all. Excellent. Envious.
tectak