09-19-2013, 07:58 AM
(09-17-2013, 09:49 AM)bena Wrote: I'm new around here, but certainly not new to poetry, and I therefore stick to what I know best when critiquing. Personally, I'm not a huge fan of rhyming, especially not the AABB format because it can be sing-songy BUT I think it works well here. The inclusion of internal rhyme is fantastic. There is some ambiguity (I also don't know what progressive cracks are, but I like it.) Ultimately the assonance and alliteration make this a great effort. I leave the story crit to those who could do much better.Hi bena and welcome to PPP, I have had a go at the edit and tried to make it less sing-songy and drop the prose. Thank you for your feedback. TOMH
bena
If your undies fer you've been smoking through em, don't peg em out