12-31-2009, 06:16 PM
Thanks Billy. Thanks Touchstone 
. Very much appreciated.
I have trouble getting words to flow right, and my grammar and line breaks are normally pretty shit. It really helps to get someone's perspective on where it "trips" or doesn't work. That simple comma will improve it vastly.
Heh, still don't have a title.
Oh well. I'm thinking I even want to expand the poem first, actually. I dunno it feels... sparse. Like maybe there's more to the story than what's there at the moment.
Again, big thanks.
. Very much appreciated.I have trouble getting words to flow right, and my grammar and line breaks are normally pretty shit. It really helps to get someone's perspective on where it "trips" or doesn't work. That simple comma will improve it vastly.
Heh, still don't have a title.
Oh well. I'm thinking I even want to expand the poem first, actually. I dunno it feels... sparse. Like maybe there's more to the story than what's there at the moment.Again, big thanks.
PS. If you can, try your hand at giving some of the others a bit of feedback. If you already have, thanks, can you do some more?