Memory

[ellajam]

Hi, Mortal, welcome. There's a lot here people can relate to, here are a few notes.

Reflection on the water, why the comma?
stares back at me,
there's question in those eyes,
where is our love, where are WE.

Then memory comes so quietly,
of a past; a picture of me and her, bit of a cliche, just draw the picture for us
standing together, holding gently,
a moment so fade and far. did you mean faded? but I love the sound of "fade and far"

It's like it was just a dream,
but my heart hurts so much,an image that would make me feel it would be better than telling me
reminding me it all was real,
and body; missing your touch. missing something here?

Raindrops start to fall,
reflection is there no more,
my head is empty, memories gone,
just me standing, alone on shore. alone on the shore is pretty cliche

I think you could work with this, but I am a novice critic so feel free to ignore my notes.

Looking forward to more from you.