10-29-2013, 10:21 PM
Interesting notez. Thanks a million for taking the time to type all that out.
Ellajam: line 2- that's what I had originally, but I changed it out of fear of "wordiness". I'm trying to fix my habit of using "filler" words.
line 3 - yeah, me too. I already used "perfect" and "ideal" just fit the meter. I'll see what I can do.
line 14 - "yet" is supposed to mean "while" but with one syllable.
Tigrflye: line 13 - me either. again, it just fit the rhyme (kinda) and meter. it does sound kind of...off, though. I'll see what I can do.
Todd: excellent point. That's why I'm here: to learn
Version 2.0 probably coming later today.
Ellajam: line 2- that's what I had originally, but I changed it out of fear of "wordiness". I'm trying to fix my habit of using "filler" words.
line 3 - yeah, me too. I already used "perfect" and "ideal" just fit the meter. I'll see what I can do.
line 14 - "yet" is supposed to mean "while" but with one syllable.
Tigrflye: line 13 - me either. again, it just fit the rhyme (kinda) and meter. it does sound kind of...off, though. I'll see what I can do.
Todd: excellent point. That's why I'm here: to learn
Version 2.0 probably coming later today.
My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings:
Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!
Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!