Bodybuilder

[Orion]

Version 2.0

Bodybuilder

My cousin knew a sculptor long ago,
perfection overran his every thought; These two lines don't read well.
and through his work his dedication showed.
The finest marble made his pieces flow
into a life their own. Yet still he sought This line would be better separated.
this dreamèd form – “At last, I’m done!” he thought;
his masterpiece was wrought, prepared to show!
And yet, despite the contours of the stone,
the years of slaving, beating at his trade,
the sculptor found a single imperfection:
he'd never quite displayed its overgrown
intent. Its graven eyes, yet soundly made, This line would be better separated.
could never understand its own reflection.

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I think the only problem is the first two lines. 'Overran' seems out of place. Think of, 'overwhelmed', 'invaded', or 'swarmed.

I think one of those will do better, but to me 'overran' doesn't belong.