Bodybuilder

[billy]

good effort on the edit. editing is often a poems life line to what it can become.
some of the end rhymes are the same. it seems to have a rhyme scheme but i can't work it out the last line falls out of meter i think by using an extra half foot. but a good effort on the meter anyway. it's easy to see you spent some thought on getting the meter done well. i think there are probs with the punctuation but it's not my forte so i'll just suggest you go over it a few times yourself to be sure. i'd also suggest trying to use alteration, simile and/or other poetic devices which help give depth to a poem.
it verging on being a sonnet
thanks for the read.

Version 2.0

Bodybuilder

My cousin knew a sculptor long ago,
perfection overran his every thought;
if not the best his work was all for naught
and through his work his dedication showed.
The finest marble made his pieces flow i like this line, it exerts a knowledge of sorts form the sculptor
into a life their own. Yet still he sought
this dreamèd form – “At last, I’m done!” he thought;
his masterpiece was wrought, prepared to show!
And yet, despite the contours of the stone,
the years of slaving, beating at his trade,
the sculptor found a single imperfection:
he'd never quite displayed its overgrown
intent. Its graven eyes, yet soundly made,
could never understand its own reflection.



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Version 1.0

My cousin knew a sculptor long ago,
perfection occupying every thought;
if not ideal his work was all for naught,
and through his work his dedication'd show.
The finest marble'd make his pieces flow
into a life their own. Yet still he sought
this visioned form - At last, no more he fought;
his masterpiece was wrought, prepared to show!
And yet, despite the contours of the stone,
the years of slaving, beating at his trade,
the sculptor found a single imperfection:
he'd never quite displayed its woebegone
spirit. Its graven eyes, yet soundly made,
could never understand its own reflection.