Bodybuilder

[frex]

One thought to add to the comments already made on this one, is that I wondered why the poet chose to use his cousin as an in between recounter of the story? I felt it weakened the account, IMHO, whereas if it were say the sculptor's assistant or someone like that, it might bring the reader closer to the action - it might even affect the delivery. Just an idea

Version 2.0

Bodybuilder

My cousin knew a sculptor long ago,
perfection overran his every thought;
if not the best his work was all for naught
and through his work his dedication showed.
The finest marble made his pieces flow
into a life their own. Yet still he sought
this dreamèd form – “At last, I’m done!” he thought;
his masterpiece was wrought, prepared to show!
And yet, despite the contours of the stone,
the years of slaving, beating at his trade,
the sculptor found a single imperfection:
he'd never quite displayed its overgrown
intent. Its graven eyes, yet soundly made,
could never understand its own reflection.



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Version 1.0

My cousin knew a sculptor long ago,
perfection occupying every thought;
if not ideal his work was all for naught,
and through his work his dedication'd show.
The finest marble'd make his pieces flow
into a life their own. Yet still he sought
this visioned form - At last, no more he fought;
his masterpiece was wrought, prepared to show!
And yet, despite the contours of the stone,
the years of slaving, beating at his trade,
the sculptor found a single imperfection:
he'd never quite displayed its woebegone
spirit. Its graven eyes, yet soundly made,
could never understand its own reflection.