10-31-2013, 01:55 AM
^
http://www.my-favorite-coloring.net/Imag...195568.png
brb googling "Boolean Loop".
I'll rewrite the sestet later.
Tectak is exactly right in that I "ran out of metaphorical steam". I wrote this in like an hour and was just trying "to sound deep". I'm glad he called me out on it. It's a bad habit of mine: just trying to write in meter and rhyme and letting "deepness" and metaphor just pop up where they may. I'll practice outlining the metaphor/central image/message BEFORE I write and develop the poems around that instead of the other way around.
Here's what I'll say in the sestet.
There's a bodybuider sculptor who worked, obsessed for years to develop the perfect 'statue'. But at the end of it all he neglected to develop his intellect and let family/social relationship die. Then he's all depressed or something. I think that'll work wonderfully.
http://www.my-favorite-coloring.net/Imag...195568.png
brb googling "Boolean Loop".
I'll rewrite the sestet later.
Tectak is exactly right in that I "ran out of metaphorical steam". I wrote this in like an hour and was just trying "to sound deep". I'm glad he called me out on it. It's a bad habit of mine: just trying to write in meter and rhyme and letting "deepness" and metaphor just pop up where they may. I'll practice outlining the metaphor/central image/message BEFORE I write and develop the poems around that instead of the other way around.
Here's what I'll say in the sestet.
There's a bodybuider sculptor who worked, obsessed for years to develop the perfect 'statue'. But at the end of it all he neglected to develop his intellect and let family/social relationship die. Then he's all depressed or something. I think that'll work wonderfully.
My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings:
Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!
Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!