Bodybuilder

[Todd]

Okay, well the theme is totally different. Let me give you some comments on your latest version. I didn't read the critiques so if I go over something that was already mentioned I'm not harping on it, just noticing it.

Here goes.

Version 3.5
(only edited the sestet for 3.0)
(re-wrote octave for 3.5)

Bodybuilder

My cousin knew a man who worked with stone;--This is as good as sculptor. The earlier version implied both sculpting stone and muscle. Stone could imply muscle in this version.
for years he slaved to master his profession.--this line feels too long and slightly out of rhythm. I think profession isn't a good rhyme for expressions due to the s. It might be better to show an action that would demonstrate this slaving and mastery in some way instead of coming out and saying it.
Seeking to show his sculpted stone expressions
supplied him skills the world had never known.--be a bit more subtle with the alliteration. Seeking to show feels a bit overdone for instance
He'd sneak away at night to work alone
as passion slowly turned into obsession,
his search for perfect art into depression,--This may be a good time to follow up the last line with an image
a near recluse, his fingers worked to bone.--fingers worked to bone is too close to a cliche. Find a substitute
Pursuing vanity, the sculptor fled,
appreciation almost all but lost.--These last two lines feel a bit like shorthand. You need something more meaty in this part
Away he chizzled loving wife and son,--typo: chiseled
his marble idol took her place in bed.--These two lines are a bit creepy but interesting.
Deceiving ego justified the cost...--Kill the ellipses, and try to stay away from summary statements draw out the outcome of the images.
What's "greatness" worth when all is said and done?--I don't know, the poem needs to do more to bring me to this conclusion. Not with a question but with me reflecting on where obsession led this man.

I know that's a lot, but I hope some of it helps.

Best,

Todd