December 23rd-- revision 2

[beaufort]

revision[/b]

His grumbles snag on plastic branches
emerging from eleven months of peace.
The holiday's cheer doesn't reach this tree,
three feet high and so naked even CharlieI might leave off the Charlie Brown reference - would leave out "so" - "three feet high and naked".
might sigh.

Tilting to one side it seems to wiggle
to the other side of the desk, as bits
of coated green float gently to the tiles,
torn off by painted stars and a man
with a white beard and no time for this. really like the descriptive nature of this - feel like I can visualize the tree

As balls and lights and silver garlands
fill the lonely gaps he wonders
Why bother? when four walls enclose the secret
and not even the window lets out a peep. I think the "why bother" is really good - as a reader I can easily identify with the sentiment of why make the effort when no one is here to share the season

Resigned eyes survey this scene: his life
without her touch. How many more to come?I'm not sure what "more" refers to. Years?
Salty gripes jerk from his throat and scuttle down
to rest inside the stocking’s toe. great use of scuttle here, getting coal in his stocking. It is sad to think that after great loss he is getting only coal, as if he were to blame

These are my thoughts. Enjoyed the poem - I am attracted to its near despair at what is traditionally expected to be a joyous season. Thanks

original

His grumbles snag on the plastic branches
emerging from eleven months of peace.
The holiday's cheer doesn't reach this three
foot tree that naked, would make even Charlie
sigh.

Tilting to one side it seems to wiggle
to the other side of the desk, as bits
of coated green float gently to the tiles,
torn off by painted stars and a man
with a white beard and no time for this.

As balls and lights and silver garlands
fill the lonely gaps he wonders
Why bother? when four walls enclose the secret
and not even the window lets out a peep.

Reminiscent eyes survey this scene of his life
without her touch, the first of how many to come?
Salty gripes jerk from his throat and scuttle down
to rest inside the stocking’s toe.

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I'm not set on the title. Suggestions?