Ink Stained Mindset

[tectak]

Edit 5 *legitimately thoughtful edit*
The cool touch of brick
rubs against his tattered frock
from behind as he tries to cry.You still make awkward links. The simultaneity of the "as" word implies a connection that does not exist. His crying is not caused by or dependent upon the touch of brick. Leave out the "from behind as" . Semi colon after "frock"

Tears fall from his fingertips
when he takes them from his face. ...and again with "when". Do the tears stop falling from his fingertips if he puts them back to his face? No. So lose the "when" and restructure the sentence.
He takes his hands from his face;
tears fall(ing) from his fingertips
in rivulets of regret that flow
out from the sobbing alleyway......or something. Your poem

Miniature rivulets of regret A rivulet is already miniature. Over modified . Wasteful.
that flow from this alleyway. Which/what alleyway?

Always with the same pen, he why break the line here? You have no meter or rhyme to concern you. Feel the rhythm. So:
Always with the same pen,
he sketches words an scenes
on to parchment,
coarse and cheap.....

sketches words and scenes
onto coarse sheets
of cheap parchment.

When he’s done with one idea, Link these two lines. Being "done" is not the gun to start a race. So:
When he has captured one idea
the race to catch the next begins....make EVERY word count...and always read your stuff out loud. HEAR the words. Hear the flow
it’s a race to chase another.
His life; A crushing race against Now it is your turn.Do NOT use "race" again. Avoid duplicated words. There is a very nice line here, but you must find it.
a falling sky. He looks for light
in an alleyway with no shoes, AN ALLEYWAY DOES NOT WEAR SHOES! Aaaaarrrrgggghhh! Avoid this urchin alleyway (repeat) at all costs. Say something else.
toes frozen and poking through
socks that frayed last year.

A forlorn artist with nothing to say.

You make fundamental errors but you have a good inner eye.... try using the other two. You miss your mistakes because you read without looking. Get the feelings on to paper but then link, join, meld and connect them with the glue of grammar. There is a worthwhile poem here.
Best,
tectak

/edit 5

I deleted two of the edits, for they were foolish edits indeed.

Edit 4 *thoughtful edit* (is this better or worse than the original?)

Ink black and pen chosen
to sketch words and scenes
onto coarse sheets
of cheap parchment.

In an alleyway with no shoes,
toes frozen and poking through
socks that frayed last year.
A forlorn artist with nothing to say.

An idea lost in translation,
It's slipping from his feeble grasp.
A pen that never stopped moving
in his shaking hands
never wrote anything new.




Original:
Ink black and pen posed
to etch words and scenes
onto temporary sheets
of cheap parchment.

In an alleyway with no shoes,
toes frozen and poking through
socks that frayed last year.
A starving artist with nothing to say.

It's slipping away, off the page,
an idea lost in translation.
A pen that never stopped moving
in his benumbed hands
never wrote anything new....