The Cremater
#5
Great stuff! Paints an awful picture which is cool. Former smoker here, two years clean and I can identify with this poem. "Blindly I suck another burning breath of bronchial bad luck" This line I'm struggling with in terms of flow...I'm not convinced that the bad luck statement is wrong but it's too laborious a line and doesn't work well for me. Nice work tho!
Reply


Messages In This Thread
The Cremater - by tomoffing - 11-18-2013, 10:34 AM
RE: The Cremater - by Polar Bear - 11-19-2013, 12:36 AM
RE: The Cremater - by justcloudy - 11-19-2013, 01:17 AM
RE: The Cremater - by hankabadpoet - 12-07-2013, 07:09 AM
RE: The Cremater - by ChessPiece - 12-29-2013, 10:24 AM
RE: The Cremater - by beaufort - 12-29-2013, 10:11 PM
RE: The Cremater - by tomoffing - 01-12-2014, 06:55 PM
RE: The Cremater - by Dinosta - 01-18-2014, 01:45 AM
RE: The Cremater - by Veil of Trash - 01-21-2014, 02:14 PM
RE: The Cremater - by tomoffing - 01-21-2014, 02:46 PM
RE: The Cremater - by Htownbaseballer - 01-24-2014, 07:24 PM
RE: The Cremater - by Sequel - 01-27-2014, 09:49 AM
RE: The Cremater - by tomoffing - 02-02-2014, 05:44 PM
RE: The Cremater - by LickinLyrics - 02-02-2014, 07:41 PM



Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)
Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!