A girl named Lustful Sin

[Todd]

Hi, here are some comments for you:

Her hair is like that of the finest silk--"that of the" is filler and awkwardly phrased. It's also a fairly common (cliched) comparison to hair.
Laid together like a gorgeous quilt--Here's an example of what people are talking about when they say this has forced rhyme. Quilt is clearly there for the near rhyme with silk. Quilts aren't made of silk and the patchwork image of a quilt doesn't convey beauty or lust. A quilt would make someone think of something homespun. The image doesn't work with the hair or with the idea of lust.
Her eyes are intoxicating and contageous--spelling error: contagious. I get pink eye from this not lust. Its a bit sloppy anyway. The speaker is intoxicated by looking at her not at her eyes. There's no image to suggest that she's spreading like a lust epidemic to other people. There's a lot of telling us attributes without showing them in action. It makes this lack emotional power and fall flat.
Just one glance from her is dangerous--dangerous shares the same suffix but doesn't actually rhyme.
Her lips are pillow tops
Laying on them you never want to stop--do you actually lay on someones lips? This just reads oddly.

She is beautiful, sexy, and you can not help but lust--This is pure tell, no imagery.
She is gorgeous, attractive, and will make your mind gust--If you want to use gust you need to build up wind related imagery. As it stands it just looks like an awkward attempt to maintain the rhyme.

An old time sand hour glass, best descibes her curves--old time sand feels like filler. Describes has a typo. This is a less effective construction in that your saying "I'm describing something. Just state the image without that phrase
Only a shape like that can describe it, because there is no words--redundant line. "are" not "is". To say there are no words to describe it except for the shape is weak.
Breast are magnetic, and always catching untrained eyes --Why no pronoun before breast. Why one breast (mastectomy?). Untrained feels like the wrong word. A trained eye would be one that ignores cleavage?
She knows her powers and uses them, and does not have to try--You say very little here, and its all tell again no imagery.
Hypnotizing is her hips, as they sway from side to side--The syntax is off with the hips: Her hips are hypnotizing
They are like a swing or a ship amusment park ride--How does that amusement park ship point you to lust. It points me to farce. The image has to do more than describe the motion. It has to tie back to your central point. Typo: amusement

She is beautiful, sexy, and you can not help but lust
She is gorgeous, attractive, and will make your mind gust

I can not have her she is not mine
I can not stop looking is it a crime
I want her but do not know her name
I can not have her it is a shame--These lines just seem trite. Flat statements
She is gone and will never see her again--You need an "I" after and to have this line make sense
I will always remember her I will call her Lustful Sin

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Hope you all enjoy this poem. I am trying to get back into writing more. Your opinion and critisism is welcome. I will be trying to post frequently so if you like this one stay posted

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Any feedback at all? Like it not like it? Anything?

Just some feedback. Hope it helps.

Best,

Todd