Freedom (a sonnet)

[Blake]

I only recently came to the realization that God or gods don't exist. This is a sonnet about my rise to atheism. It's called "Freedom".



Believing in a Prince of perfect Peace,
the Son of He who reigns from lofty heights,
I lived a life where faith and reason'd fight
but deemed that when I die I'd not decease.
The fear of raising questions was released
as science brought me closer to the light.
A whole new world within my wondrous sights
at last is free - my mind is now unleashed!
The non-existent evidence is loud
enough alone, and history is full
of gaps in knowledge wrongly filled by gods.
The "prince of peace" would not permit the clouds
of Dachau! If he's real he's rather cruel -
to such a tyrant I would never bow!
--------

[I purposefully capitalized "Son", "He", and "Prince" at the beginning and left them lowercase after the volta. It's all symbolic and stuff.]

I hate how the last line has an inverted sentence structure, and would love help reforming it.

While I cant say I share your feelings here are my thoughts on the piece itself.

The first half rhymes pretty well and I like the abba rhyme structure you chose, but I cant help but notice the rhyme sort of falls apart after line 9. If I am correct then according to the structure lines 10 and 11 should rhyme.

I dont see a problem with the last line but if you wanted to change it you could try one of these (same amount of syllables for you)

I'd rather not serve a ruthless tyrant
A tyrant like this shall not see me bow