01-27-2014, 04:10 AM
Hi,
It's my first time posting and I'm a newbie at poetry so take it with as many grains of salt as you think you should but here goes. I usually write in bullet points due to my undiagnosed ADD.
1. I liked the poem. It kept me engaged the whole way through. It flowed smoothly.
2. The her is redundant. There are only two characters in this poem.
3. I enjoyed the third stanza a lot.
4. Pick another food item. I too thought of something else. Putting a raspberry in your mouth doesn't have to be easy.
5. I would have a period at the end. It gives the poem a sense of finality.
Good luck!
It's my first time posting and I'm a newbie at poetry so take it with as many grains of salt as you think you should but here goes. I usually write in bullet points due to my undiagnosed ADD.
1. I liked the poem. It kept me engaged the whole way through. It flowed smoothly.
2. The her is redundant. There are only two characters in this poem.
3. I enjoyed the third stanza a lot.
4. Pick another food item. I too thought of something else. Putting a raspberry in your mouth doesn't have to be easy.
5. I would have a period at the end. It gives the poem a sense of finality.
Good luck!