02-06-2014, 04:16 PM 
	
	
	
		what about in the first line, something like "man picks the fruit/and it bends the land?" oh wait that may not flow well. But at least experiment? Or what about "fruit picks the man/that bends the land/ turning as I pass a smile and waving his hand/tonight his fate is sealed with stars but not with light?" Just my two cents.
	
	
	
	

 

 
