03-02-2014, 07:31 AM
A very interesting poem. The problem I have is with the word 'scalpel'. I understand the point you are trying to make, but it sounds like you are trying to cut them up - in which case it is reasonable for them to be evasive.
I wondered if 'agreement' 'concordance' 'common ground' 'understanding' or similar, might not be better terms.
Thus.... and I have changed a few other things....
Never contend with the untrained mind,
Conspire it will, understanding to evade.
It flees on fearful legs, with which to bind,
Some semblance of the pride it hopes to save.
Ok, I've rewritten it....
I wondered if 'agreement' 'concordance' 'common ground' 'understanding' or similar, might not be better terms.
Thus.... and I have changed a few other things....
Never contend with the untrained mind,
Conspire it will, understanding to evade.
It flees on fearful legs, with which to bind,
Some semblance of the pride it hopes to save.
Ok, I've rewritten it....