03-05-2014, 06:40 AM
Thanks for the feedback.
In the opening line I was trying to convey that it was a hot early afternoon, and the size of a fenland sky, but I take on board your comment that there is a tricksyness about it.
Mixi, refers to Myxomatosis. The poem is set in the 1970's, when there was an outbreak of the disease that people feared, and farmers cheered, would wipe out the rabbit population. It was a bit gruesome really, the roads were littered with rabbits who had gone blind and run into the traffic. I toyed with not including the detail, as it is quite obscure, but it places the poem, and it contrasts what is to happen with the Peter Rabbit anthropomorphism of the previous year.
I take on board your issues with the formality. But it is formal. Children are. And when it comes to the gun and shooting the rabbit, I don't want to do it.
I concede to your grammar Nazi, and obey orders to change to 'its'.
It's bucks and does for rabbits.
I was asking for JYHO, so thank you.
In the opening line I was trying to convey that it was a hot early afternoon, and the size of a fenland sky, but I take on board your comment that there is a tricksyness about it.
Mixi, refers to Myxomatosis. The poem is set in the 1970's, when there was an outbreak of the disease that people feared, and farmers cheered, would wipe out the rabbit population. It was a bit gruesome really, the roads were littered with rabbits who had gone blind and run into the traffic. I toyed with not including the detail, as it is quite obscure, but it places the poem, and it contrasts what is to happen with the Peter Rabbit anthropomorphism of the previous year.
I take on board your issues with the formality. But it is formal. Children are. And when it comes to the gun and shooting the rabbit, I don't want to do it.
I concede to your grammar Nazi, and obey orders to change to 'its'.
It's bucks and does for rabbits.
I was asking for JYHO, so thank you.