Hearts of The Unbroken

[ChristopherSea]

Being new to poetry, one thing to focus on is being concise and more concrete with your words. This could be trimmed to two or three stanzas. Another tip is to stick to images and avoid abstraction. Avoid the cliche and over-wrought expressions. You need metaphor, a central or core one is best. You have dozens of emotive words in here: glad/mad/sad/angry/pain/strife/demise, etc. Pick a couple and develop them.