03-30-2014, 01:50 PM
angelsm not a word.
Soon she would no me. know me
I like these last three stanzas:
And then
Spring came,
And she
Was gone..
I feel dry now.
As dry as the paint
On my abandoned brush.
I am no painter.
No poet.
I am just me.
An aging man,
Who still feels cold,
And counts the days 'til summer.
You could drop the last line, it does nothing for the poem, and is basically repetitious.
I like the idea, but the execution in the first part is really lacking and overly wordy. As this isn't a workshop poem, I'll stop there.
best,
Dale
Soon she would no me. know me
I like these last three stanzas:
And then
Spring came,
And she
Was gone..
I feel dry now.
As dry as the paint
On my abandoned brush.
I am no painter.
No poet.
I am just me.
An aging man,
Who still feels cold,
And counts the days 'til summer.
You could drop the last line, it does nothing for the poem, and is basically repetitious.
I like the idea, but the execution in the first part is really lacking and overly wordy. As this isn't a workshop poem, I'll stop there.
best,
Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.