Ode to Caffeine
#8
(02-11-2014, 05:33 AM)shenaz Wrote:  O caffeine, O caffeine
Fueling my fantasies
Faithful by morn, faithful by noon
What would I do without you?

O caffeine, O caffeine
Curbing my dreams
Make me jump, make me shake
What wouldn't I do without you.

O caffeine, O caffeine
Coloring my view
Swear by you, swot by you
What would I do without you?
I would consider changing the last line of the poem. For some reason I don't like that it repeats the last line in the first stanza. I think because the poem is already heavy in repetition, and the end of the second stanza is not identical to the end of first and the last stanza, that you should try to find a new rhyme to fit the end of your poem. An enjoyable read.
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Messages In This Thread
Ode to Caffeine - by shenaz - 02-11-2014, 05:33 AM
RE: Ode to Caffeine - by Erthona - 02-11-2014, 05:50 AM
RE: Ode to Caffeine - by billy - 02-11-2014, 07:33 AM
RE: Ode to Caffeine - by shenaz - 02-12-2014, 02:57 AM
RE: Ode to Caffeine - by Æther - 02-14-2014, 02:44 PM
RE: Ode to Caffeine - by shenaz - 02-15-2014, 09:43 AM
RE: Ode to Caffeine - by kindofahippy - 02-18-2014, 02:49 AM
RE: Ode to Caffeine - by tectak - 04-10-2014, 04:08 PM
RE: Ode to Caffeine - by ChristopherSea - 04-10-2014, 07:39 PM
RE: Ode to Caffeine - by micpschm - 04-10-2014, 11:05 AM
RE: Ode to Caffeine - by Leanne - 04-10-2014, 07:45 PM
RE: Ode to Caffeine - by ChristopherSea - 04-10-2014, 07:51 PM
RE: Ode to Caffeine - by Chaosrxn - 04-12-2014, 09:20 AM
RE: Ode to Caffeine - by Simba - 04-14-2014, 09:05 AM
RE: Ode to Caffeine - by Am I A Poet? - 04-18-2014, 05:11 AM
RE: Ode to Caffeine - by shenaz - 04-25-2014, 06:20 PM
RE: Ode to Caffeine - by Robert9614 - 04-22-2014, 08:48 AM
RE: Ode to Caffeine - by Nbafan - 04-23-2014, 03:55 AM
RE: Ode to Caffeine - by paxsan - 04-25-2014, 05:55 AM
RE: Ode to Caffeine - by Bunx - 04-26-2014, 04:10 AM
RE: Ode to Caffeine - by aerickson - 04-26-2014, 05:49 AM



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