Coffee Cup -edited

[Mopkins]

LVMoose - thanks for commenting - I'm glad you liked it.

These are actual lines of tetrameter in accentual verse, broken into two lines. Personally I think it reads easier in tetrameter. It also more easily shows one where a pause is needed. I suspect it may have even been written this way and then broken into two foot lines because it seemed to short. I would recommend dropping the word "Love" from the first line, as all it does is telegraph the meaning of the poem, instead of letting the reader come to it.

"Love, after you left me I refilled the cup
you’d used for your coffee, I didn’t wash up.
I used it right handed, my lips touched the place
where your lips had been when I last saw your face.

Imagined I tasted your kiss on its rim,
my fingers touched places your fingers had been.
Caressing the handle, mouth sugary sweet,
I’m not going to wash it until we next meet."
_____________________________________________________________
There is of course some cliches or near cliches such as:

"I’m not going to wash it until we next meet."

Which echo's a girl saying about a kiss from some teen idol, I'll never wash my face again. However they do not distract from the poem.

I would characterize this as a nice, simple love poem, that generally avoids the pitfalls of most poems of this ilk. The fact this is written in accentual verse and not metered helps it refrain from becoming singsong, as it probably would if written in iambic tetrameter.

Nicely done,


Dale

Hello Dale, thanks for having a look at this. I added Love to even out the syllable count - it wasn't there originally and I don't like it there either but without it the line is short. I'll have to think about it. I wasn't sure about 'when I last saw your face' either - sounded cliched to me but it fitted the rhyme. It does read better laid out as you have done it, don't know why I didn't do it that way to start with. Glad you liked it, thanks again for your comments.


Marianne