04-18-2014, 05:11 AM
Hard to describe why, but this poem is extremely lively to me when read aloud, probably because the repetition carries the reader quickly through each stanza.
Your temporal movements are a bit strange to me though.
The beginning of the day/caffeine journey - "Faithful by morn, faithful by noon" - goes directly into what seems to be a sleeplessness (?) - "Curbing my dreams", though the choice of "dream" instead of "sleep" makes me doubt if I've understood you properly. That line intrigues me, but I don't really understand it or its significance, and it feels incongruous with the flow and feel of your poem.
Your temporal movements are a bit strange to me though.
The beginning of the day/caffeine journey - "Faithful by morn, faithful by noon" - goes directly into what seems to be a sleeplessness (?) - "Curbing my dreams", though the choice of "dream" instead of "sleep" makes me doubt if I've understood you properly. That line intrigues me, but I don't really understand it or its significance, and it feels incongruous with the flow and feel of your poem.