Ode to Caffeine
#17
(02-11-2014, 05:33 AM)shenaz Wrote:  O caffeine, O caffeine
Fueling my fantasies
Faithful by morn, faithful by noon
What would I do without you?

O caffeine, O caffeine
Curbing my dreams
Make me jump, make me shake
What wouldn't I do without you.

O caffeine, O caffeine
Coloring my view
Swear by you, swot by you
What would I do without you?
The beginning is definitely repetitious but that is not necessarily a bad thing. That said, I really like the way you have switched up the last line of each quatrain and, if you can do something like that with the first lines, it might be beneficial.
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Messages In This Thread
Ode to Caffeine - by shenaz - 02-11-2014, 05:33 AM
RE: Ode to Caffeine - by Erthona - 02-11-2014, 05:50 AM
RE: Ode to Caffeine - by billy - 02-11-2014, 07:33 AM
RE: Ode to Caffeine - by shenaz - 02-12-2014, 02:57 AM
RE: Ode to Caffeine - by Æther - 02-14-2014, 02:44 PM
RE: Ode to Caffeine - by shenaz - 02-15-2014, 09:43 AM
RE: Ode to Caffeine - by kindofahippy - 02-18-2014, 02:49 AM
RE: Ode to Caffeine - by tectak - 04-10-2014, 04:08 PM
RE: Ode to Caffeine - by ChristopherSea - 04-10-2014, 07:39 PM
RE: Ode to Caffeine - by micpschm - 04-10-2014, 11:05 AM
RE: Ode to Caffeine - by Leanne - 04-10-2014, 07:45 PM
RE: Ode to Caffeine - by ChristopherSea - 04-10-2014, 07:51 PM
RE: Ode to Caffeine - by Chaosrxn - 04-12-2014, 09:20 AM
RE: Ode to Caffeine - by Simba - 04-14-2014, 09:05 AM
RE: Ode to Caffeine - by Am I A Poet? - 04-18-2014, 05:11 AM
RE: Ode to Caffeine - by shenaz - 04-25-2014, 06:20 PM
RE: Ode to Caffeine - by Robert9614 - 04-22-2014, 08:48 AM
RE: Ode to Caffeine - by Nbafan - 04-23-2014, 03:55 AM
RE: Ode to Caffeine - by paxsan - 04-25-2014, 05:55 AM
RE: Ode to Caffeine - by Bunx - 04-26-2014, 04:10 AM
RE: Ode to Caffeine - by aerickson - 04-26-2014, 05:49 AM



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