05-05-2014, 12:27 AM
The Wild Wind (2nd edit)
Hear the wild wind, his musical roar
as he sweeps from the north and kisses the moor.
He sings of adventure as he rattles your door,
riding the hills with his forceful grandeur.
Inhale the depth of the wild salt air
as he runs his fingers through your tossed hair.
Watch as he weaves through the cobblestone streets
tossing dead leaves that once dwelt in peace.
Ride the wild wind, as he seeks through your sill;
the spice of your kiss and the gift of your will.
Making wild merry, disturbing the sheets,
wreaking wild laughter in erotic feast.
Ride the wild wind whenever you can
over raging seas and mountain blessed land;
to unusual places of exotic reports,
let the wild winds enlighten your thoughts.
Reap the wild wind, a pure breath of life,
the fruit of the day when it is ripe.
There is only one question, this moment in time;
be it sublime, or a threadbare dead rhyme.
Reap the wild wind
come what may,
for death grins at you
from an open doorway.
Comments:
Verse 1: agree about allure; rattles your door I think has 2 implications. Changed streetlamps; evolved to cobblestone streets; really wanted to suggest the feeling of timelessness and referring the the moor and cobblestone streets suggest of old England
Verse 2: Took the advice; like it, except it didn't read well to me without the "tossed" hair
Verse 3: I see the sill as a small opening into which a more subdued wind would seep. I may be the minority but otherwise like the verse
Verse 4: The point in lines 3 and 4 is the Moment; not the wind, it asks if the moment is meaningful or the usual. Were not the astronauts Enlightened and ride the wild wind
Verse 5: " threadbare dead rhyme"; the usual, suggesting sublime outcomes may arise from the wild wind,
Verse 6: changed the inversion; also a different length and meter?
but I do this often to summarize and make an end point, which is here, what is experienced and of value when our life is at end.
I am not sure how to handle punctuation; some people have said they don't believe in it at all; I do, but not sure how to use it correctly but with simplicity.
I am very grateful to all of you for your kind and expert advice. Falling in love with poetry all the time; wish i had more; time that is. Most of my poems have much less form, but were well like mostly. I would be interested in your thoughts about those; but you
have more than done your job and I think I go on to the next site.
You folks are great! Loretta
The Wild Wind
Hear the wild wind, his musical roar
as he sweeps from the north and kisses the moor
he sings of adventure and groans to allure
riding the hills in his splendid grandeur
Inhale the depth of the wild salt air
as he runs his wild fingers through your tossed hair
watch the wild wind as he blows through the streets
tossing dead leaves that once dwelt in peace
swaying the lanterns the street corners keep
ride the wild wind as he seeks through your sill
the spice of your kiss and the gift of your will
making wild merry disturbing the sheets
wreaking will laughter in an erotic feast
Ride the wild wind whenever you can
over wild raging seas and mountain blessed land
to unusual places, of exotic reports
let the wild winds, enlighten your thoughts
Reap the wild wind, a pure breath of life
the fruit of the day, when it is ripe
there is only in question, this moment in time
be it sublime, or a threadbare dead rhyme
Reap the wild wind,
come what may,
for death at you grins
from an open doorway
g.e.Kaye
(I am unsure of some punctuation, and realize last line of 2nd verse throws of timing; I knew that but wanted something in here to represent the timelessness; swaying lanterns centuries ago). Any other suggestions, I want to learn. Thanks, Loretta (don't see where it says 1st or second revision)
Hear the wild wind,
his musical roar
As he sweeps from the north
and kisses the moor
he sings of adventure
and grons to allure
breath deep, the wild salty air
as he runns his wild fingers
through your wind tossed hair
watch the fild wind,
as he blows through the streets
tossing dead leaves
that once dwelt in peace
swaying the lanterns
the street corners keep
ride the wild wind
as he seeks through your sill
the spice of your kiss
and the gift of your will
making wild merry
disturbing the sheets
wreaking wild laughter
an erotic feast
ride the wild wind
whenever you can
over wild raging seas
and mountain blessed land
to unusual places
of exotic reports
let the wild winds
enlighten your thoughts
reap the wild wind
that breath of life
the fruit of the day
when it is ripe
there is only in question
this moment of time
be it sublime
or a threadbare
dead rhyme
reap the wild wind
come what may
for death at you grins from
an open doorway
g.e.Kaye
Hear the wild wind, his musical roar
as he sweeps from the north and kisses the moor.
He sings of adventure as he rattles your door,
riding the hills with his forceful grandeur.
Inhale the depth of the wild salt air
as he runs his fingers through your tossed hair.
Watch as he weaves through the cobblestone streets
tossing dead leaves that once dwelt in peace.
Ride the wild wind, as he seeks through your sill;
the spice of your kiss and the gift of your will.
Making wild merry, disturbing the sheets,
wreaking wild laughter in erotic feast.
Ride the wild wind whenever you can
over raging seas and mountain blessed land;
to unusual places of exotic reports,
let the wild winds enlighten your thoughts.
Reap the wild wind, a pure breath of life,
the fruit of the day when it is ripe.
There is only one question, this moment in time;
be it sublime, or a threadbare dead rhyme.
Reap the wild wind
come what may,
for death grins at you
from an open doorway.
Comments:
Verse 1: agree about allure; rattles your door I think has 2 implications. Changed streetlamps; evolved to cobblestone streets; really wanted to suggest the feeling of timelessness and referring the the moor and cobblestone streets suggest of old England
Verse 2: Took the advice; like it, except it didn't read well to me without the "tossed" hair
Verse 3: I see the sill as a small opening into which a more subdued wind would seep. I may be the minority but otherwise like the verse
Verse 4: The point in lines 3 and 4 is the Moment; not the wind, it asks if the moment is meaningful or the usual. Were not the astronauts Enlightened and ride the wild wind
Verse 5: " threadbare dead rhyme"; the usual, suggesting sublime outcomes may arise from the wild wind,
Verse 6: changed the inversion; also a different length and meter?
but I do this often to summarize and make an end point, which is here, what is experienced and of value when our life is at end.
I am not sure how to handle punctuation; some people have said they don't believe in it at all; I do, but not sure how to use it correctly but with simplicity.
I am very grateful to all of you for your kind and expert advice. Falling in love with poetry all the time; wish i had more; time that is. Most of my poems have much less form, but were well like mostly. I would be interested in your thoughts about those; but you
have more than done your job and I think I go on to the next site.
You folks are great! Loretta
The Wild Wind
Hear the wild wind, his musical roar
as he sweeps from the north and kisses the moor
he sings of adventure and groans to allure
riding the hills in his splendid grandeur
Inhale the depth of the wild salt air
as he runs his wild fingers through your tossed hair
watch the wild wind as he blows through the streets
tossing dead leaves that once dwelt in peace
swaying the lanterns the street corners keep
ride the wild wind as he seeks through your sill
the spice of your kiss and the gift of your will
making wild merry disturbing the sheets
wreaking will laughter in an erotic feast
Ride the wild wind whenever you can
over wild raging seas and mountain blessed land
to unusual places, of exotic reports
let the wild winds, enlighten your thoughts
Reap the wild wind, a pure breath of life
the fruit of the day, when it is ripe
there is only in question, this moment in time
be it sublime, or a threadbare dead rhyme
Reap the wild wind,
come what may,
for death at you grins
from an open doorway
g.e.Kaye
(I am unsure of some punctuation, and realize last line of 2nd verse throws of timing; I knew that but wanted something in here to represent the timelessness; swaying lanterns centuries ago). Any other suggestions, I want to learn. Thanks, Loretta (don't see where it says 1st or second revision)
Hear the wild wind,
his musical roar
As he sweeps from the north
and kisses the moor
he sings of adventure
and grons to allure
breath deep, the wild salty air
as he runns his wild fingers
through your wind tossed hair
watch the fild wind,
as he blows through the streets
tossing dead leaves
that once dwelt in peace
swaying the lanterns
the street corners keep
ride the wild wind
as he seeks through your sill
the spice of your kiss
and the gift of your will
making wild merry
disturbing the sheets
wreaking wild laughter
an erotic feast
ride the wild wind
whenever you can
over wild raging seas
and mountain blessed land
to unusual places
of exotic reports
let the wild winds
enlighten your thoughts
reap the wild wind
that breath of life
the fruit of the day
when it is ripe
there is only in question
this moment of time
be it sublime
or a threadbare
dead rhyme
reap the wild wind
come what may
for death at you grins from
an open doorway
g.e.Kaye