Diesel
#4
(05-05-2014, 11:01 AM)bbcashdollar Wrote:  breath in
fuel of work
rounding corner
William to Bailey
sweet heavy cloud
of hauling

Palermo to New York
Lackawanna to South Buffalo
Nakuru to Nairobi to Mombasa
Tibas to Los Yoses
Iron Island to East Aurora

motors rumble like grampa
before steel mill
heart-attack took him

moving product to market
carrying me and once exotic fruit
to port and home again

complete turn
wheel spins center
accelerate
This looks like a large smattering of words you decided sound nice together. The first, second, and last stanza could potentially be removed.

I like that there are no accidental errors, though punctuation could help this piece. Thanks for the read.
I'll be there in a minute.
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Messages In This Thread
Diesel - by bbcashdollar - 05-05-2014, 11:01 AM
RE: Diesel - by Markworth - 05-05-2014, 11:08 AM
RE: Diesel - by bbcashdollar - 05-05-2014, 11:14 AM
RE: Diesel - by newsclippings - 05-05-2014, 11:23 AM
RE: Diesel - by poe - 05-07-2014, 05:11 AM
RE: Diesel - by bbcashdollar - 05-07-2014, 05:17 AM
RE: Diesel - by RSaba - 05-05-2014, 01:30 PM
RE: Diesel - by bbcashdollar - 05-05-2014, 08:27 PM
RE: Diesel - by ChristopherSea - 05-06-2014, 04:21 AM
RE: Diesel - by bbcashdollar - 05-06-2014, 05:09 AM
RE: Diesel - by ChristopherSea - 05-05-2014, 06:54 PM
RE: Diesel - by Erthona - 05-06-2014, 08:10 AM
RE: Diesel - by bbcashdollar - 05-06-2014, 08:46 AM
RE: Diesel - by RSaba - 05-07-2014, 03:57 AM



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