05-06-2014, 06:01 PM
very powerful, but if i was going to give any critique i would find a different word to use other than snuff when relating to the dying flames of our memories of family and friends as it is not as powerful then the other words you have used to create powerful imagery, and there are some lines that disturb the flow of the theme i feel , like 'or try to catch moonlight,With naught but a jar and a net?' and 'Lest you become the snake who swallows himself whole' i feel as though these ideas take away from the main thing you are trying to get across and creates a little bit of confusion, but other than that very honest and powerfully written.