05-07-2014, 09:45 AM
(09-09-2013, 08:17 AM)Bunx Wrote: Cement blocks underneath torn sneakers.
Breathing air thicker than dust.
I stumble as I rust.
Decaying into a withering sidewalk elm,
alive on the top
with death beneath.
Rubble between my eyes
strolling through deaths
gaze I realize.
Dreams are only as they seem.
Meaning is deaths shadow
in the meadow of failure.
Your delusion, a snare.
Hi, am very new: there is the hint of musical flow but I'm sure the pros would say off on iambs and meter; as i know is true of mine. I don't agree however, or see the point that "meaning is deaths shadow in the meadow of failure. Perhaps you could expand on that for me. Thanks, Loretta