05-08-2014, 07:53 PM
Hi, I'm new here as well.
I don't necessarily mind one, or even two, question marks in a poem, but I don't think the question marks in the middle section of the first stanza(?) are adding all that much. Similarly with starting the second stanza with a question, I feel like if you are going to ask a question it needs to feel earnestly like you are asking the reader a question, and it needs to be used sparingly.
Wispy intangibility feels like it is on the verge of repeating the same feeling twice, while deepest recesses is too commonly used to have the punch I feel you really want for this poem.
I don't necessarily mind one, or even two, question marks in a poem, but I don't think the question marks in the middle section of the first stanza(?) are adding all that much. Similarly with starting the second stanza with a question, I feel like if you are going to ask a question it needs to feel earnestly like you are asking the reader a question, and it needs to be used sparingly.
Wispy intangibility feels like it is on the verge of repeating the same feeling twice, while deepest recesses is too commonly used to have the punch I feel you really want for this poem.