In a Minute

[George]

The white of the moon shines dimly
against the numerous night-lit signs,
white of the moon shining= light of the moon

It's still redundant. You are essentially saying "the white moon lights the numerous moon-lit signs". Add more detail to the picture aside from light, or go more in -depth and describe the light instead of just listing synonyms.

_________________________
slowly tumbling down until it’s
swallowed by the buildings below.

When you say "tumbling down" it's clear that whatever is going to be swallowing light, is below the moon (unless you say 'above' like in the first draft). You don't really need to say the position of the buildings. keep it succinct:

Try and put a more imagery into this poem. Look at this

a glacial sky-tumble 'til
buildings swallow it whole


glacial is a good substitute for slow, as night is cold. "a cold still night" is a cliché that comes to mind. Since you used "shattering" in the first stanza, it seems natural to me to use a word that relates to ice.

Don't be afraid to use a thesaurus. It will increase your vocabulary very quickly. More importantly, read more poetry than you write.

Thanks this really helped alot. Its very hard for me to find the words to describe an image I seen or something I feel internally, so I tend to stick to comfort words.

Would it be ok to describe the moon's light as a sound, a shriek that is muffled?

The shrilling shriek of the moon
muffled by the numerous night-lit signs,