05-17-2014, 02:36 AM
Hello LG.
Purely for the sake of example, this line:
"steel blade met unwinding thread."
I'm thinking might mean the umbilical cord was cut. Supposing I am correct, why would you write what you did rather than
"the umbilical cord was cut"
The rest of the poem is even less clear, not to mention ungrammatical.
If we put one of your sentences as a sentence it reads:
"She, now unearthly dots connected, a constellation of no warmth and minuscule light that is not nearly enough but it must be,
for I have understood the draw of the gun but know not the taste.
I can find no sense in that. Assuming when you say "she" you mean "mother" it might read:
Mother is now unearthly dots (that are) connected; a constellation of coldness and (a) minuscule light, that is not nearly enough. Lets stop there. Which part of this non-sentences are you referring to when you say that it is not. nearly enough? By the wording it is singular. So does that refer to (a) minuscule light, a constellation of coldness, or unearthly dots?
OK further:
"for I have understood the draw of the gun"
Does this mean, you have understood the feeling of being drawn to a gun, or you have understood the feeling of drawing a gun?
and finally: "but know not the taste." As none of the above list of things has a taste, one most assume you are speaking metaphorically? Let's guess, just for fun, that by taste you somehow mean firing the gun. So maybe you are saying you have drawn a gun, but have not fired one. Then why did you not say "I have drawn a gun but not fired one"?
This poem, if it has a point, is so covered up by gibberish that it might as well not have a point.
If someone wrote a poem in a foreign language and then ran it through one of the free online translators, I would expect it to make more sense than this.
The one thing I can say with certainty is that whatever this is suppose to mean, it does not.
Best,
Dale
Purely for the sake of example, this line:
"steel blade met unwinding thread."
I'm thinking might mean the umbilical cord was cut. Supposing I am correct, why would you write what you did rather than
"the umbilical cord was cut"
The rest of the poem is even less clear, not to mention ungrammatical.
If we put one of your sentences as a sentence it reads:
"She, now unearthly dots connected, a constellation of no warmth and minuscule light that is not nearly enough but it must be,
for I have understood the draw of the gun but know not the taste.
I can find no sense in that. Assuming when you say "she" you mean "mother" it might read:
Mother is now unearthly dots (that are) connected; a constellation of coldness and (a) minuscule light, that is not nearly enough. Lets stop there. Which part of this non-sentences are you referring to when you say that it is not. nearly enough? By the wording it is singular. So does that refer to (a) minuscule light, a constellation of coldness, or unearthly dots?
OK further:
"for I have understood the draw of the gun"
Does this mean, you have understood the feeling of being drawn to a gun, or you have understood the feeling of drawing a gun?
and finally: "but know not the taste." As none of the above list of things has a taste, one most assume you are speaking metaphorically? Let's guess, just for fun, that by taste you somehow mean firing the gun. So maybe you are saying you have drawn a gun, but have not fired one. Then why did you not say "I have drawn a gun but not fired one"?
This poem, if it has a point, is so covered up by gibberish that it might as well not have a point.
If someone wrote a poem in a foreign language and then ran it through one of the free online translators, I would expect it to make more sense than this.
The one thing I can say with certainty is that whatever this is suppose to mean, it does not.
Best,
Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.