Solitary
#7
(06-02-2014, 12:37 AM)LorettaYoung Wrote:  Free in Solitary

I'm free, in solitary confines.
My body is stationary, but mind defined.
I steal my solace from distress.
Casting free this suit of flesh,
I encounter an alter-consciousness
where imagination rules unconfined.
Tiny atoms whisper rhymes
of merry play and ringing chimes.
I'm bent across the sill of possibility
floating aimlessly and free.

Time now, my friend, not foe.
And I clutch it to my heart
to make it so: with force of fury
bent upon my soul and mind.
Sweet dreams, where urgent passions show
two faces of this confine grow;
shades of loneliness and excitement
lighting distant paths to know,
a wealth of visions, those paths aglow.

A myriad of dreams engage
and float upon a crystal sea;
as does the swan so gracefully
leave behind his traces aimlessly.
As I, free in solitary confines
float with open curiosity.
I leave behind my traces aimlessly,
for some poor fool to follow me.
(06-06-2014, 11:36 AM)Tiger the Lion Wrote:  Hi Loretta, I have read this many times and like it very much. It's about all of us here, after all. Took me a few days to even muster a crit as I thought most of the other comments were very good. I agree about the title. I wonder if the problem in the title extends into the first stanza...
Ah, I am lost to solitary confines.
My body is at rest, but my mind defined;
by imagination, unbridled and unconfined.

I'm pretty sure the "meaning" in L1 is a joyous time for the speaker. But lost/solitary/confines seem to all carry negative connotations that create a "mood" bigger than the meaning. ( maybe not so much with "lost")
I think you might be asking too much of the word confine. You are asking it to be a comfort in line 1 then demonize it in L3. I see what you were going for, but some readers might not be sure whether or not they want to be confined. I hope that made sense.
I enjoyed this every time I read it. Thanks for sharing, Paul
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Messages In This Thread
Solitary - by LorettaYoung - 06-02-2014, 12:37 AM
RE: Soltiary Confines - by Isis - 06-02-2014, 02:55 AM
RE: Soltiary Confines - by LorettaYoung - 06-02-2014, 03:15 AM
RE: Soltiary Confines - by Erthona - 06-02-2014, 04:45 AM
RE: Free in Solitary - by LorettaYoung - 06-09-2014, 02:21 AM
RE: Soltiary Confines - by LorettaYoung - 06-02-2014, 05:06 AM
RE: Free in Soltiary - by Tiger the Lion - 06-06-2014, 11:36 AM
RE: Free in Soltiary - by LorettaYoung - 06-06-2014, 11:59 AM
RE: Free in Solitary - by LorettaYoung - 06-13-2014, 06:42 AM
RE: Free in Soltiary - by QDeathstar - 06-06-2014, 12:04 PM
RE: Free in Soltiary - by LorettaYoung - 06-06-2014, 12:58 PM
RE: Free in Soltiary - by LorettaYoung - 06-06-2014, 12:09 PM
RE: Free in Soltiary - by QDeathstar - 06-06-2014, 12:33 PM
RE: Free in Soltiary - by kmatrixg - 06-06-2014, 05:40 PM
RE: Free in Soltiary - by LorettaYoung - 06-06-2014, 09:20 PM
RE: Free in Solitary - by Joey Automata - 06-11-2014, 10:46 AM
RE: Free in Solitary - by LorettaYoung - 06-11-2014, 11:06 AM
RE: Free in Solitary - by nb - 06-12-2014, 08:45 PM
RE: Free in Solitary - by theswelter - 06-17-2014, 09:40 PM
RE: Free in Solitary - by LorettaYoung - 06-18-2014, 12:16 AM



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