06-09-2014, 05:42 AM
This is an odd shaped sonnet, in that the "and's
at the end of some lines would normally be dropped to the line below. I don't suppose it matters, but it made pause just a bit and took me out of the flow, just a personal opinion. I'm not an expert on sonnets, so I can't really comment too much but there were a few lines where i had to stop to figure out the meter...ei L10---it does work out as a trochee but I had to pause to think about it. I don't see an obvious volta though, did I miss it? I think this is a form that is extremely hard to work in (for me, anyway) and I do applaud this effort as it is fairly good on it's iambic pentameter.
Nice work!
mel/bena
at the end of some lines would normally be dropped to the line below. I don't suppose it matters, but it made pause just a bit and took me out of the flow, just a personal opinion. I'm not an expert on sonnets, so I can't really comment too much but there were a few lines where i had to stop to figure out the meter...ei L10---it does work out as a trochee but I had to pause to think about it. I don't see an obvious volta though, did I miss it? I think this is a form that is extremely hard to work in (for me, anyway) and I do applaud this effort as it is fairly good on it's iambic pentameter.
Nice work!
mel/bena