06-14-2014, 07:47 AM
"Nights were busy dilating" Sorry, but I would never have read this as the nights were growing longer. still it should probably read, simply "Nights were dilating". I still don't think dilating is a go word for "getting longer"
"Death came to our home on stilts" Sorry, I didn't see the anthropomorphism of Death. Maybe.
"Death came to our home on stilts,
peered through our frosted bedroom window
and saw that kisses leave tiny bruises
which amass until the kissing stops;..."
"Death offered autonomy, a nascent leaf, an algal bloom of possibilities" I get "Death offered autonomy", I'm just not sure why you put what comes after. The idea is already clear, what follows is more commentary, and it seems superfluous.
Did you mean: "a nascent leaf, of algal bloom possibilities"? That would work I think.
Dale
"Death came to our home on stilts" Sorry, I didn't see the anthropomorphism of Death. Maybe.
"Death came to our home on stilts,
peered through our frosted bedroom window
and saw that kisses leave tiny bruises
which amass until the kissing stops;..."
"Death offered autonomy, a nascent leaf, an algal bloom of possibilities" I get "Death offered autonomy", I'm just not sure why you put what comes after. The idea is already clear, what follows is more commentary, and it seems superfluous.
Did you mean: "a nascent leaf, of algal bloom possibilities"? That would work I think.
Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.