Hearts of The Unbroken

[QDeathstar]

Poetry is very new to me, any advice would help. Thanks.


Hearts of the unbroken

Just know that I care,
That’s all that should matter,
It’s that love that we’ve shared,
So let us reflect on the latter.


the latter? What is the former? That you care??? I feel cliche sickness

Timid hides behind expression, timidness? I think this line is an oxymoron
The feelings I have for her,
It’s having been without you,
That’s made me the sadder,

Breaches in trust,
Love sunk emotion,
For ours was no lust,
But
Fathoms measured by oceans,
It’s our love that we’ve shared, in this poem, love is just a word
In which holds meaningful devotion, this isn't a sentence

We stayed true to fates giving, what are fates giving?
Now left alone, set apart,
No choice but to keep living,
For we carry oceans measured by fathoms, in heart,

Seeing sights fortune, that which bestows us,
Futures beholding,
Moving forward,
Hopes holding,

So in walking trust
We so stage for fates molding. fates can't be molded, they are what they are
Held with the knowing
That what we see as showing ?????

Together Life shares as one,
Although parted, left unfolding,
The weight on guilt, shamefully with holding,
Despite feeling like tons
It’s less than others of loathingothers full of loathing?

Reflections of our past, over takes me,
The glad,
The sad,
And even the Angry,
Memories we both have had.
It’s the truth of life and what it has sold me,
It’s what’s been had, I will hold closest, you see?
For I will always keep faith in obtainment,you contradict yourself, for a poem about love and reflection, telling lies doesn't serve the poems purpose well
Not just for thy but also for thee thy and thee are ridiculous.
Never lonely, when together, you see?
Too me it is an obvious thing

Despite miles in measure, that of which keeping “distance”,
Feelings light as a feather,
It’s how we insist this,
For there is not another,
Not one,
Nor the other,
That can break our loves tether
In life,
Still one together,

So, let us look at perceptions,
Self introspective sight,
Both of us alike,
What’s keeping the pain?
Remember the strife?

Strength is what we’ll find that keeps “us” alive,
Let’s work on “us”,
Individual certainty will keep us at strive,
Giving us “life”
One less of “demise”,
With joyful tears and welling eyes,
Life’s offerings of rendition,
Love songs to the skies

The poem starts off apologetic, then tells the reader to get over hims/herself.


It's condescending. And rambling.