Thoughts for the Fourth of July

[billy]

the poem matches the title or vice verse. though the poem could be a generic rise to power of most states and how they turn against the masses (animal farm) the title anchors it to a particular time and place and in doing so works harder than many titles i've seen.

i like the poem a lot, just a couple of nits, the main one being the capped words.

thanks for the read.

Thoughts for the Forth of July

We created a Leviathan to defend our Freedom.
An ugly brute, powerful, but clumsy.
We gave it some of our Freedom, why cap freedom
to secure our security,
and those Freedoms that remained.
This parasitic relationship worked well... a suggestion would be symbiotic, parasitic gives an impression of it being bad from the onset.
for a time.

As Generations passed, why cap generations
we forgot what an ugly brute
our Leviathan was.
We began to think its ugliness,
beauty.

We called it Mother,
and it consumed us. though it's not the strongest way to say, it is a great way, the last line verges on cliche but still works extremely well in rounding of the poem.


–Erthona


©1999