Mayday

[ChristopherSea]

Really enjoyed your poem. I associate Mayday with a random event that requires help, but the poem uses nightfall and illumination, which are not random. Night and day are promised. I am not suggesting you should change the title, but just trying to understand it better.

Flores, thank you for your time and commentary. You are correct, Mayday is a cry out for help. In this case the narrator is pleading for aid in finding the right lines/inspiration to re-spark a love that is fading away, as revealed in the final stanza. Additionally, Mayday has double entendre in the spring theme. Cheers/Chris

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Billy, thanks for the encouragement, keen observations and suggestions. The first three lines initially began with 'My,' but I thought it was a bit much. However, in the light of your comment, I will consider switching the first line back. I agree about dropping the 'cache'. I like the word, but it is overkill with the 'algae' and 'reeds'. I could change 'berry' to 'fruit'. I wanted those three lines in the penultimate stanza to reflect the three preceding stanzas. Does 'fruit' sound better or do you have another suggestion. Yes, that last 'my' could be dropped. Much obliged, my friend, mentor and master./Chris

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Mercedes, thanks so much for the read and thorough critique. It's great to have a pro review one's work.

I will take another look at those 'abdomens.' They are the proper body part and I needed a vessel to stir the flame with the luciferase. Would 'bellies' work for you?

I chose 'secreted' for the double entendre of 'release/hidden,' but perhaps it's not working. I definitely see the problem with 'beneath, inside, among'. I will more than likely drop the 'inside a cache,' but I may keep the 'cape'. Perhaps 'cloak' would work better (let me know if you like that one).

I'll consider that 'musing minnow.' 'Trolling' is to suggest fishing. I did consider 'empty.'

That last stanza is really the punchline, i.e. the cry for help, the mayday call, for a lover slipping away. I am not certain that there is a poem without it. I guess you think the cry out for inspiration to write poetry is enough. Thanks again for all of the ideas to consider during my next edit! /Chris

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I love this actually. It has a whimsical quality to it that gives a kind of lie to the scientific words you used at times

dwestmore, thanks for the reading and sharing your impressions. If you have any ideas for my next edit, feel free to suggest anything. Welcome to the site./Chris