A stranger less fortunate (edited)

[milo]

Hello there and welcome to the site.

This poem seems overly driven by rhyme - convoluting much of the language in order to produce it. Rhyme is no longer considered necessary in poems and if you do choose to use it you want it to be accretive - adding to the pleasure of the sonic journey and meaning through the use of original, natural sounding rhymes. Also, couplets in modern poetry are mostly reserved for "light Verse" (funny poetry)

In this poem here, our narrator ambles along (for quite a bit) musing about he purpose of life in a quite dramatic (and possibly over-poetic way). While it is long on symbolism and metaphor, much of the usage is quite common and overused in the exact same way and, metaphor and symbolism need to be balanced through specifics and this poem is very short on specifics.

Any and all help is appreciated; still very new to poetry.
I.

Born into a labyrinth long have I laboured in this quest called life,
Long have I languished with cautious steps through the minefields of deadly strife,
Creeping through twisting corridors of forests thick,
Much have I puzzled at this divine scheme of wit,
Which has placed me here lacking map and even compass,
Lost in footsteps yearning forever little solace.

much of the language through here feels awkward and forced and the phrasing is overmodified in an attempt to sound poetic. For example: "long have I laboured", "minefields of deadly strife", "corridors of forests thick" (what exactly is a forest thick anyway? a thicket?), "much have I puzzled", "divine scheme of wit", "yearning forever"

this same problem tends to continue throughout the whole poem (though to be completely hones I started skimming after the second stanza and can't remember much from there to the end.)