A stranger less fortunate (edited)

[ChristopherSea]

Hi Random,

My first suggestion would be to drop the Roman numerals, as the stanzas are closely related. The numbers don't really add anything, they come off odd. They are typically used to compare or contrast two poems, to relate more that one poem, etc.

Second, I would trim this down. Many lines are too long and there are far too many queries. I like the existential pondering, but it wanders all over the place. Perhaps a more narrow focus would help. The same goes for the mythological references. I like them, but their use seems haphazard. Maybe you could use them better in constructing a central core metaphor.

There are some peculiar phrasings and reversals of language, presumably to 'shoe-horn' in the rhymes. One wonders whether the poem was written around the rhyme, when it should truly be the other way around.

There are dozens of cliche phrases in your piece that could be said in a more novel way.

See what you think and what others have to say. All the best with your next edit./Chris