A Sonnet Inspired by Marlowe's Faustus

[alatos]

it's easier if you do an edit and put it above the original with edit above it.
still needs some work but you'll get there, i notice a lot of Leanne's suggestions went unheeded and that's okay, sadly it really was good advice and all i can do is reinforce her thought.
thanks for the read.

thanks for that helpful advice, Leanne! Here's the first revision:

I too, like Faust, have sold my timeless trace, i think Leanne advised [like Faust, I too.... i agree with her.
exchanging four and twenty unstained years
for an eternity in the embrace
of what before me endlessly appears.
My deathless soul? I killed it with a kiss, i think a semi colon instead of question mark as it's more of a statemented first clause.
and now a wasting body slithers on
through its return to dust, to Abaddon:
unfading rapture given up for this?

My Amaranth is gone – betrayed unto
the Jungle’s weeds. Ambition’s Judas gave i preferred the original line, as judas and jungle have no connection for me. .
my substance for some forty coins – a life,
abandoned for a gilded fortune - threw
away my heart, still pumping, to the grave,
carved out by desperate Simon Peter’s knife. you start with a stress and use an extra syllable. a suggestion; [carved out by desperate Simon Peter’s knife.] who is simon peter?

Thanks Billy. I am open to Leanne's suggestion on "Like Faust, I too," but I don't understand the advantage, and I don't want to change my work just cause someone suggested it. Could you explain why you like her wording better?

The Judas/Jungle connection is weak admittedly, but to me it is there. Judas betrayed Jesus in a Garden. Jungle also echoes back to Eden, with the earlier references to the Serpent and creation from dust. Honestly, that's sort of grasping at straws though, and I agree I think it needs revision.

I think in the final line we have a difference in pronunciation. I say desperate in two syllables... it is probably a regional thing, as everyone I know does as well. And I naturally stress 'carved OUT', to me "CARVED out" sounds strange. Simon Peter was Jesus' disciple, and cut off a guard's ear the night when Judas betrayed Jesus in the garden.