Fat

[tectak]

This is my friend's poem. She wanted a critique of it, but doesn't usually write poetry, so she didn't want to make an account.

Fat

They’ve called me Fat
Simply because I eat
I eat to fill the void
To level the abyss
But food has no more flavor
It has no joy, nor brings any happiness
I simply eat so that I can be rid of the burning
Hollowness that devours all things inside of me, I
Eat to escape the horrible darkness that rises up from
Deep inside and threatens to devour my entire self
No, it is not hunger, nor boredom, nor thirst,
It is the loneliness, and desertion, the
Alienation that this emptiness feeds
Upon, and it only grows larger
And larger, and so I eat more
And more, and others see
And they laugh, and they
Mock, and the emptiness
Feeds on the pain.

Hello,
I am writing this crit on behalf of my friend tectak. Tectak does not wish to be over critical of the piece as he is a nice chap and does not like to offend.
After some discussion I have deduced that my friend thinks that you, or rather your friend, should stop capitalising (quote) every bloody line (unquote) as it is intensely annoying, faux-poetic, outdated, outmoded, confusing and indicative of a desire to be seen as a poet above any other attributes which may be considered quintessential in the poetic endeavour. He is a one, that tectak. He even has the affrontery to suggest that your friend's punctuation is somewhat lacking in technical exactitude...whatever that, means.
Anyway, about the poem, and I do this so that you don't have to, I can report that my friend tectak says that the concept is a good one and has merit. Furthermore, some of the expressed thoughts are perspicacious in the extreme and show a depth of understanding which almost makes one believe that your friend really is fat...can you imagine that?
Could you advise your friend, my friend tectak says, that she should really join the pp and help other fat...er...no...I think he means poetically aspirant...people to improve their work by critting others friend's work.
best,
tectak's friend
...oh...tectak also says that if your friend really want to make a good poem out of this your friend should consider using more imagery and less pointless "shaping" of the piece. He is a bugger, my friend tectak.