Fat

[Bleumeon]

This is my friend's poem. She wanted a critique of it, but doesn't usually write poetry, so she didn't want to make an account.

Fat

They’ve called me Fat
Simply because I eat
I eat to fill the void
To level the abyss
But food has no more flavor
It has no joy, nor brings any happiness
I simply eat so that I can be rid of the burning
Hollowness that devours all things inside of me, I
Eat to escape the horrible darkness that rises up from
Deep inside and threatens to devour my entire self
No, it is not hunger, nor boredom, nor thirst,
It is the loneliness, and desertion, the
Alienation that this emptiness feeds
Upon, and it only grows larger
And larger, and so I eat more
And more, and others see
And they laugh, and they
Mock, and the emptiness
Feeds on the pain.

Now I'm no expert critic, simply a new member wanting to post my work. That said I like the concept of the poem, but I feel that it doesn't really flow. Like line 4-5, it feels kinda choppy. Conceptually a good poem though, just need to find ways to make it flow and connect better.