Fat

[alatos]

This is my friend's poem. She wanted a critique of it, but doesn't usually write poetry, so she didn't want to make an account.

Fat

They’ve called me Fat
Simply because I eat
I eat to fill the void
To level the abyss
But food has no more flavor
It has no joy, nor brings any happiness
I simply eat so that I can be rid of the burning
Hollowness that devours all things inside of me, I
Eat to escape the horrible darkness that rises up from
Deep inside and threatens to devour my entire self
No, it is not hunger, nor boredom, nor thirst,
It is the loneliness, and desertion, the
Alienation that this emptiness feeds
Upon, and it only grows larger
And larger, and so I eat more
And more, and others see
And they laugh, and they
Mock, and the emptiness
Feeds on the pain.

Interesting. I think it would be nice for her to explore a little more the source of this pain that drives her to eat? Or define it more clearly? Maybe a concrete image or an analogy? Seeing as it is the driving force behind the poem, it needs to be understood. Just saying things like "loneliness and desertion and alienation" may be accurate to what she is feeling, but it would be better to show us exactly what that feels like.