I Notice

[ellajam]

Ha, I've had a chorus telling me a word was wrong more than once and though it may have been wrong, to me it was still right for my poem. It's good to think hard and long on those points but still it remains the poet's choice.

Nice edit, danny

that's the whole idea of how to use the feedback given. the thing to look out for though is this; if everyone says "this is wrong, or this doesn't make sense/work"
the odds are it's wrong or doesn't make sense.

thank you ellajam, makeshift.
some comments i agree with, some i really couldn't, if you'll pardon my stubbornness. i made some changes after some consideration, thank you again.
(revision 5 posted)