09-29-2014, 01:46 PM
(08-22-2014, 10:14 PM)tectak Wrote: Look to the crow, hung spiked on the wire, wind torn and tied. <- reminds me of WW1, the men hanging on the barbed wire out in no-man's-land / good intention!
Dead by the lead that flew to his calls,
blooding black feather, searing inside; <-'blooding', 'searing inside' -- hyperbole
watch as he falls.
Look to the body that swings from the tree, hollow and dried. <- 'hollow and dried' as well
and the rest... Lord Byron can get away with this, so can Monty Python (dead parrot sketch),
but it doesn't work with 'reasonable' verse. Additional modifiers, especially extreme ones,
backfire; it's the 'crying wolf' principle. The reader's senses are numbed and when you really
need to be extreme, it falls flat.
Death dealt by demons, holy men all,
whose merciless gods walk by their side.
Face to the wall.
Look to the crow that died without cause, as others will, too.
Croak into blackness, silence the dawn,
keep secret beliefs; next it is you
to be reborn.
tectak
2014
a brightly colored fungus that grows in bark inclusions