10-24-2014, 01:51 PM
All in all, I can only agree with the above. I understand the concept, but I feel as though the wording muddles your actual meaning - for the sake of rhyming & "clever" repeating- but I like what you are intending to convey.
Long story short - I understand, but your wording seems forced (as mentioned) & confusing.
Long story short - I understand, but your wording seems forced (as mentioned) & confusing.