10-29-2014, 07:58 PM
(10-25-2014, 12:57 AM)rowens Wrote: I think it's nice how the wind is blowing,It is obvious that the poem is not mindless and that is was thought about and worked on. The gradation, process of revealing and characterizing the speaker's associations, thoughts and feelings works well.
like something out of a movie,
almost like something out of a book. < Nice child/teen language style. Reminds me of my American freinds who always say "like", like the reported speech did not exist. The stanza conveys a specific image, that is good. Another good point is that the wind is somewhat unusually likened to movie/book, which sounds strange but not unnatural and therefore raises expectations and intrigues the reader, making them read further.
Something old
and real—from being real a long time,
like grandparents' ghosts and ouija boards before Parker Brothers bought it. < boards is plural, bought IT singualr. Intention? Also, first two lines again suggest the same image of the speaker as the previous stanza, but the third line here does not match the characteristic for me. Would a teen/child be interested relationships between toy/games manufacturers and the consequences thereof? I mean, the third line here is like some older guy sharing memories of his childhood sayng "Those were the days, when the true toys were made, and not like now, when big capitalistic concerns do it just for business, making the games lack the good-old-days flavor." I know this is only marginal to the meaning of the poem, I overemphasized to make my point.
The wind at night, especially on an especially dark night,
is like dead people alive
I don't know why that is; < Realy nice gradation from "something" through "ghsots and Ouija board" to "dead people alive", from abstract to more and more concrete. Thumbs up. Language well maintained in this stanza, too. The third line sound little empty to me, though, compared with all the previous ones. The snese of uncertainity and vagueness is already well established in the poem.
if I had to think about it
it probably wouldn't feel that way anymore. < nice contrast between think and feel. One negating other. Wouldn't "if I had to think why that is" work? It would be more compact and leave space for adding something to the third line of the previous stanza.
But, then again, if I think about it I might feel it even more.
I was only thirteen years old the first time I saw someone die,
and I don't remember anything about the weather or anything.
But I saw a movie where the wind blew, < Would teen say thirteen years old, or just thirteen? Or do you suggest him changing his speech with the arrival at this serious matter? If so, why not make it so serious in the last two lines of this stanza as well? The aforementioned gradation escalates well. The framing with the wind also works well and the unifinishedness of the last line of this stanza sets up perfectly for the conclusion/the point you are about to drive home in the last stanza.
and the dead returned at night.
And even though it was a horror movie, < Great that you inserted the Ouije before, horror movie does not appear alien in the poem because of it, but fits well with the established context.
I felt more reassured than scared. < Nice that the speaker does not deny being scared to a certain extent. The speaker coming to terms with the death is a nice point, and nicely made here, being suggested in the very beginning, extended throughout and than more-less explicitely stated.
Thistles.

